


Restless Heart

by orphan_account



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: AU, Adorable Kim Namjoon | RM, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, But also A little shit, Cute, F/M, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Mild Smut, Mutual Pining, Not too much, Park Jimin Is a Sweetheart, Romantic Fluff, its fkn cute, late night, some angst idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-06-22 13:36:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15583131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Kim Namjoon is everywhere. Leader of the new rap idol group everybody is talking about, Cypher, he's captured hearts around the world with his charm and charisma, even your own.What happens when you one day come face to face with Namjoon will continue on to be one of the best adventures of your life but also one that might break your heart.





	1. Introduction

Restless Heart

 

The Rest Easy Diner could never be an exciting job.

Located just off a main high street in Seoul, crowds came during the day, mostly tourists and families and always locals. But the diner at night attracting straggling party goers or workers who'd just got off their shift, usually though it was quiet.

So the night shift was never exciting or fulfilling, never even really challenging. Occasionally you'd get someone stumble in drunk and confused, barking that their food wasn't hot enough or coffee too bitter but they'd usually leave on their own accord, no real fuss. But it was the perfect job for you, especially easy to fit around your busy university hours. Sure, you'd have to fit sleep in wherever possible and your social life sometimes took a backseat but it was easy and it paid well enough. And even on the quieter nights and early mornings you could easily prop your study books against the counter next to the till, studying in between the drought of customers.

Sometimes you found yourself day dreaming wistfully, transporting yourself away from the smell of greasy food and the low, distant sounds of Seoul nightlife. You imagined yourself in a couple of years time, away from the diner, graduated with a job, a stable, well paying job you loved. Then sometimes your imagination would wander to waking up in the morning. Strong arms wrapped around your waist, peppering soft kisses to your cheeks, waking up with easy, soothing love flowing through out you. But then always your imagination fades and you zone back to reality, standing at the till of Rest Easy Diner, wishing you were somewhere or someone else.

 

Tonight it had been dead. It was cold outside, a Wednesday and the holiday season had just passed. The nightlife had ebbed out to near nothing even on weekends due to the relentless partying the weeks before. Leaving the diner pretty much empty. You'd spent the last hour studying hard, deeply grossed in your study, pencil clenched in your mouth to grab if you need to scribble notes in the margins. You were so engrossed you didn't notice the diner door opening, a tall, heavily clothed frame approached the counter.

"Excuse me?".

You slipped backwards, pencil falling from your mouth and clattering to the ground, startled by the interruption to your thoughts. Instantly you bowed, embarrassment rushing to your face in the form of heat before gripping onto the counter to steady yourself.

"I'm s-so sorry, forgive me. I didn't even notice you come in," you rushed out. You hear a chuckle emerge from beneath the layers of scarf wrapped around their mouth as they reach up to untangle themself. You are so relieved you'd grabbed onto the counter because you for sure would of been on the floor by now.

 

Why on Earth was Kim Namjoon standing in front of you?

 

Cypher was everywhere. Billboards, social media, tv, even in the local grocery store on souvenir magnets and mugs. You'd scoffed at first, at the three piece rap idol group, but soon their sculpted faces, alluring personalities and stage presence captured you, just like everybody else. Honestly Kim Namjoon, Jung Hoseok and Min Yoongi were so hard to avoid these days, becoming part of the craze was the only option for your sanity. So it was much more than a surprise when their leader was standing right in front of you. Regarded for his determined and thoughtful approach to stardom, he became an overnight sensation with many girls falling for his easy proportions and dimples. Including yourself.

"It's no worries, I assume you're open?" he asks, continuing to remove layers of warm clothes from his body before carefully placing them onto the counter. "Y-yeah, we are," you say, blinking yourself rapidly out of the absolute brain freeze you'd just encountered. "Great! Well can I order a...", he hesitates, his eyes roaming the menu board behind you as he fluffs his hair.

Holy you wish his eyes would roam you like that.

Instantly reprimanding yourself to be professionial, you straightened your back, patiently waiting for him to return his attention to you.  
"... a coffee and a blueberry muffin please," he said as you tapped the order in. Out of the corner of your eye you watch him, regard you, his eyes softly blinking. You meet his eyes and tell him how much he owes and he soundlessly fumbles into his pocket and hands you the money, pausing for his change. "Do I just..." he hesitates, motioning awkwardly towards the rest of the diners booths. "Go for it," you say with a warm smile, turning to start the coffee machine. "I'll be over with it in a second".

 

He smiled at you as you walked over to his booth with his order, carefully placing it around the scraps of paper he'd already splayed out on the table. "Thank you," he kindly said as you turned to walk away before his voice interrupted you. "Actually, can I ask you a quick question." You half turn around to face him again, nodding hesitantly and furrowing your brow in anticipation.

"What's your favourite type of weather?" he asked quickly. The question stopped your mind completely in confusion.

Alright, so now not only was Kim Namjoon in the diner you worked at in the early hours of the morning but now he was asking you weird questions about your weather preferences. Perhaps you'd actually slipped over earlier at work and this was some concussion fever dream amalgamated with your dreamy thoughts. Maybe you were going to wake up soon, probably to an angry customer waiting for you to get up off the floor.

"Sorry, if that's weird," he said quickly. He was embarrassed. You could tell by the way he looked down, fingers lightly rubbing his eye as he cowered into himself, his chin almost resting on his chest as he bent into himself, shaking his head so slightly.

"No, no it's fine. I'm just thinking," you said slowly. Namjoon looks up at you again, his mouth forming an O.

"Uhm. I guess it's something like outside," you gesture to the window, to the flurry of snow and fleet flying to the ground. The blizzard emulated by the black darkness of the night. It felt cold just looking at it. Flusteredly you retract. "No I mean actually, the feeling after this, you know? When the snow starts to calm down and it's light but the airs clear. And it kind of chills your nose but it feels... good. The storms passed, its cleansing, everything becomes crystal clear," you rush out, eyes widening towards the end as you take in the utter garbage you've just told him.

"No I understand, thank you," he says. He glowingly smiles at you and you feel it, a snap of electricity in your fingertips, tingling and flowing around your body. He blinks rapidly, his own expression hinted with surprise, again retracting into himself before fumbling with his paper. You smile at him awkwardly, ignoring your heart beating so fast it felt like you'd collapse. Retracting behind the counter before you could say anything else incredibly embarrassing.

 

He sat there for another half an hour. You refused to let yourself look at him. You'd stared at the same page for that last half an hour, rereading the same sentence over and over and over.

The temptation to look over at him had been bubbling inside you the whole time but you knew if you looked over now, you'd find yourself not being able to stop. It creeped into your brain as you reread the sentence one more time. You silently scolded yourself for it but you had to. You slowly raised your head from your book, only to find your eyes meeting his instantly. Warmth fills your inside and your mouth gapes open slightly before you blink rapidly and look back down at your book. It couldn't of lasted more than a second, his eyes thoughtfully looking at yours. You felt like your whole body was on fire.

Surely he'd not been staring at you, it must of been a coincidence you thought as you scolded yourself for getting so excited over the microtransaction of communication you'd just shared with him. But the niggling thought at the back of your mind told you to check again, just in case you could catch his eye, maybe even get a smile from him one more time.

  
You looked up again, a hint of eagerness in the way you glanced upwards. Instead you jumped again slightly, he was standing right in front of the counter, pulling on his winter hat and half smiling politely. "I'm gonna head off now but... I'll sure see you around. Thank you", he gratefully spoke, every word leaving his mouth sounding important and thought over. He reached for the door, turning to face you just before he opens it. "Get home safe," he softly smiles at you, wrapping his scarf around himself one last time before leaving, the cold wind entering the diner in his place. But you were grateful for it.

 

He'd left you feeling like you were burning alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you always for reading !! 
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡


	2. Spring Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spring slowly makes it way to Seoul, bringing with it a warm feeling inside yourself and it's not because of the weather.

The repetitivity of normal life had always irritated you. Boring days and boring nights with the same routine of university, study and work, the only highlight being your weekly visit to your family which was only a short train ride away.

Even that had become a task sometimes. Your halmeoni would sit in the corner of your living room, wistfully stirring her tea in silence before she lifts her head and fires the same question.

"Y/n, when will you find a nice boy to bring home to us?" she would question, her eyes piercing into yours, the room suddenly filled with a suffocating silence.

Bowing your head you would eventually reply with the same answer as always. Study was more important, your job took too much time and honestly, even though you didn't say it, most of your male peers were not your type. Those you knew from university were rude and crude, either seeing themself as too above you to ever give you the piece of mind or seeing you as a disposable toy they can woo for one night and then chuck away. The way your halmeoni's eyes burned into yours sometimes made you want to turn around and tell her you'll never get married, you'll die alone with 7 cats and live a peaceful life not bothered by romance but you knew you'd probably not make it out of that sarky comment alive.

The hard truth was you did long to find somebody but somebody didn't want to find you.

 

The only exception to your routine occurred in the early hours of the morning. It felt like your whole week revolved around this one event, every other moment orbiting around it in unimportance.

Kim Namjoon.

He'd returned the week after you'd first met him, wrapped up in equal layers of warm clothes and a pair of misted black frames on the bridge of his nose. He walked over to the raised stools at the counter this time, easily sliding onto it due to his long, lengthy legs. "Hi again," he smiled while reaching to get out, this time, a black notebook. You smile at him and offer the professional pleasantries you do every customer but it isn't long before he clears his throat suddenly. 

"What colour makes you feel the happiest?" he queries. A sudden spike of confusion makes you stutter slowly out, "I-I haven't actually- I guess maybe orange?" your voice strained in uncertainty. He cocks his head to the side in hesitation, inviting you to continue speaking with his gesture. "Well it's a colour of warmth for one thing," you let out a long breath. "It reminds me of being young too, being young and playing outside till the sunset. It's just happy." When you look up you can tell he's taking in every word you just said, a smile escaping his lips slowly, nodding. 

Perhaps he can tell how awkward you feel for getting so existential so he quickly grins at you. "Maybe I should stop asking you so many weird questions," he chuckles. You shrug at him resting against the coffee station counter behind you. "I don't mind it, believe me when I say your questions are miles better than the usual comments I get from customers," you say, a slight trickle of ease coming over you. "Oh," he says, a slight frown furrowing his brow. "Nothing weird though right?" he asks in concern. "No, no, I mean sometimes but it's usually just drunk people wanting waffles." He laughs at that. 

"I guess my questions are better than that," he smiles wide, his eyes closing a little in amusement. 

 

The weeks flowed into each other as the sky was highlighted with streaks of blue instead of the cloudy and grey skies, the weather slowly growing from completely freezing to a calming warmth. The weather changed but your Wednesday never did. "So what do you think about horoscopes," Namjoon fires at you one of the nights he'd showed up, sipping at his coffee while holding your eyes. "I try to not let it negate my life but I mean, the moon controls the ocean, so I guess they might have some element of influence," you blurt looking away, knowing you sound completely crazy. "I learn about it at university a bit so, it's something I think about." you finish, trying to save yourself from not seeming completely weird. "Oh yeah, well I've noticed you studying, but I've never known what. What's your choice of course?" he asks, genuine interest tainting his voice, his elbows and forearm resting on the counter so he can lean forward a little closer, almost in a childlike eager way. "I study philosophy at Seoul," you say shyly, looking away from his eyes. "Wow, that's so cool, I love things like that," he said in exaggerated enthusiasm. "Aren't you a brainbox," he suddenly teased which pulled a playful eye roll out of you but also a light blush from your cheeks. 

Honestly, you'd almost forgotten who Namjoon was as the weeks continued going by and the late nights kept coming. It wasn't until you strolled home university, looking up as you crossed the road to a huge billboard. Cypher leaned against each other coolly, advertising a popular sportswear brand. The large billboard drawing your attention to Namjoon in the center, a model like gaze on his face. As you walked home your mind was flooded with the reminder that the boy you'd grown so fond of was actually, you know, an international celebrity. You'd never talked about his idol life. You talked about him, his likes and dislikes, his thoughts and opinions. Never about his job, never about the frenzy of fans that recorded his every move. 

Did he not think you knew who he was?

You'd never asked. The way you saw it, if you were famous like him, you'd craze a normal interaction. That's probably what this was to him, you served him coffee and gave him some normality. But you couldn't shake the way he'd started to grow even more eager whenever you delved deeper into yourself, sharing something with him you wouldn't with a stranger on the street. 

 

"So you really think ants have the potential to take over the world?" you puffed out to him, leaning against the counter as he splayed on his same stool. He bent back a bit to let out a loud laugh. "No, I just think they have an incredible complex society that probably could challenge ours," he states, shaking his head as he hides into himself. "So if ants were like human size, you think they would be in over place?" you started before quickly continuing, "actually don't think about human sized ants, that's horrific." He guffaws at that, lazily reclining on the stool, a smile lighting up his face. 

You giggle along with him until his honey voice pushes into your thoughts. 

"What time do you finish?" he asks. The question stops you in your tracks, its been a while since one of Namjoon's questions has left you confused. You glance at the clock quickly. 5:17am. "6am." you reply. "When the day manager comes in". 

"Right," he says. You look at him questionably which he notices and he sits up quickly. "It's just I've always felt bad about you having to walk home by yourself especially with some of the idiots you see around here," he says, hiding a little into himself as he continues. "I just wondered if you wanted me to walk you home," he asks, glancing up to you. 

If you could think of any moment which could of possibly stopped your heart, it was this one. 

"I mean, I'm sure you're strong enough to handle yourself like I'm not trying to say you need somebody to protect you, just you know," Namjoon speedily tries to recover from himself. 

"Are you sure you can wait that long for me to finish?" you say, taking yourself by surprise at how you'd pointedly replied to reassure him. You watch as he exhales slowly before nodding eagerly. "Then fine, you can walk me home," smiling at him. 

 

 

You'd assume that all you can concentrate on for the next 40 minutes is the slow and painful tick of the clock. But even this isn't as the important as the fact you realise _he's doing the exact same._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you're enjoying so far. This is the first thing I've ever posted online writing wise so I'm a bit of an amateur... Next chapter posted tomorrow. Let me know if you have any suggestions or paths you want the story to take! 
> 
> Thanks! - Al


	3. Thanks To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's actually all thanks to you."

Life's worst luck always seems to happen by coincidence. The intertwining of two events together to make a situation worse than it needs to be. Such coincidence usually relies in the domino effect of one act, tipping into the other to result in an unavoidable tangle.

The unlucky coincidence here was that it was just coincidence that the day your manager, Shin Sang-Kyu, was ever late had to be today. In the three years you'd worked at the diner, two years of those before you'd started university, he'd never been late. Time had started slowly to an unbearable trickle as you stood still in your work uniform, serving a couple of early morning customers as the clock ticked past 6:15am.

"I'm sorry," you mouthed at Namjoon, smiling apologetically, a warm half smile. He shrugs and adjusts the cap he's placed on his head, you assume to try and shield his face incase he's recognised. Shin Sang-Kyu rushes into the diner muttering that his car had broke down, not stopping to apologise or say thank you but instead coercing you out of the diner quickly. Tying his apron as you pulled on your jacket.

Namjoon was already outside when you opened the door to the diner to leave. "You can go home if you like, I'm sorry for making you wait," you said dejectedly. "Hey, its okay," you heard Namjoon say, his neck craning down slightly to catch his eyes in yours.

Outside you could appreciate his proportions even more. He was tall, long limbs and sharp angles. When he stood in front of you, you had to look up a little to see his face. If he stepped closer you would be directly level with his chest and he'd be able to rest his chin on the top of your head. Thinking about that made you a bit too giddy. You start walking ahead towards the direction of your home, glancing to see Namjoon pacing to catch up to you.

"So, have you lived in Seoul all your life?" Namjoon asks "Yeah, my family home is just outside of the centre. I visit sometimes but I guess life gets in the way." "I get what you mean," Namjoon's eyes widening in discomfort before falling to the ground.

For some reason, if it was any point to bring up the burning question in your mind, it was right now. "Why do you come so late?" you hestitatantly ask. "To the diner". Namjoon squints a little, turning the question over in his head. Had you asked something too personal? Could he not tell you? Maybe it was important idol business. You obviously didn't know about that lifestyle, perhaps they couldn't share things like that. And then, you didn't even know communicating with boys anyway, do you even say the right things? Panic enters into your brain in streams before it cascades down on you, you almost tell him to forget the question until he opens his mouth.

"Well, it helps to clear my head. I work late into the night usually, sometimes it gets suffocating. So I like the walk, fresh air. Then being able to relax a little, kind of release myself from my work and my life". The honesty of Namjoon telling you a tiny speck of his actual life eases you a little but confusion replaces that. Was that a difficult question?

 

"It's actually all thanks to you."

 

You shuffle a little over the last part of his statement. So, that's the difficult part. You're practically sweating at the rollercoaster of emotions you've went over in the last two sentence you've spoke to each other. Panic, relief, confusion and now complete and utter shock. "Y-you don't need to thank me for that," you stutter out, your eyes glancing at him, meeting his eyes which are already looking at you.

He smiled softly but a sudden air of seriousness covers his face. "I hate to ask such a conceited question but you know... who I am... don't you?" he winces while asking you, cowering into himself but this time the embarrassment isn't from a place of shyness, its irritation. You nod cautiously, biting your lip as you gain his eye contact. "I do but... when I first saw you, I just thought you deserved a chance to be normal as well," you say finally. He blinks rapidly at that, registering what you just said. "I... Thank you." Namjoon kindly smiles at you, warmth radiating off his face, his whole being, lighting up your own body.

The streets of Seoul are lightly glowing as the sun slowly rises, birds begin to fill the air with their chirps but apart from that, the thud of both your feet and the light chatter are the only sounds. Reaching your front door, you pause, gesturing at the apartment block.

"This is me," you say, smiling and awkwardly holding out your hand to offer a handshake. 

Namjoon laughs, your favourite laugh. The one which consumes his whole face. His eyes creasing, smile wide, coaxing the appearance of his dimples. "Haven't I known you too long for handshakes now?" he teases. It's when Namjoon teases you, that you start to let down your guard, you ease into yourself and start to forget the shyness. 

"I panicked!" you explained, he laughed harder at your frustration. You start to retract your hand, fake huffing as you swung it by your side. "No, I'll still shake your hand," he teases harder. 

Rolling your eyes, you extend your hand again, trying to look as uninterested as possible. 

His hand grips yours and shakes it. Sparks, everywhere. Like a firework was just set off inside your body. He leaves go of your hand and as you look up to meet his eyes, you notice he's looking at you with the same surprised expression, a blush peppering his cheeks. Had he felt it too? 

He steps away then, smiling as if nothing happened. "I'll be seeing you," he says, walking backwards as you turn to enter into your apartment block. "Get home safe." 

Namjoon pouts, "that's my line". You laugh and his bright smile fills his face and he waves as you enter the door. 

Entering your apartment, you pile your keys and bag on a side table. Standing in the dark in your coat, you gush silently. 

 

You're falling for Kim Namjoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fellas is it bad that i'm falling in love with this Namjoon myself. Also sorry it's shorter, the next chapter is gonna be a big one!!!


	4. Into the Magic Shop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So show me. 
> 
> I'll show you.

The week that follows is long, exam week at university and the whole of your life was dedicated to studying. Taking the week off work for this meant you didn't see Namjoon for the whole week and you'd forgot to even tell him you wouldn't be there. Not that you were certain he'd care you'd tell yourself. You're just 'friends' you further reminded yourself but even thinking that seemed bizarre.

Walking into work after that long week of studying was almost like a breath of fresh air. If fresh air was bitter coffee and greasy food. It was a Friday night and this meant no Namjoon. His usual pattern recurring over Monday's to Thursday's, the reasoning you assumed was to either avoid the weekend party crowd or his idol duties meant he was probably part of it himself.

The girl you took over from, Kim Jisoo, was already pulling on her jacket when you open the door. She'd been taking over your night shifts while you were gone along with one of your other colleagues. When she saw you walk in she practically beamed. "Hi y/n. Holy, it's been a long week," she puffed. You nodded, "tell me about it". She was adjusting her hair from her hood and almost turning to the door when her face lit up. "I almost forgot, somebody dropped off a note for you," she eagerly enthuses, passing it to you. "He seemed really cute, kind of hid behind a cap though". You scrambled to unfold the note, pushing your fingers into the creases and flattening it open. 

  
_Y/N,_  
_I guess I missed seeing ~~your face~~ you at your work tonight._  
_I hope everything is okay._  
_But I wanted to recommend a book to you. It's called Into the Magic Shop by James R. Doty. I think you'll enjoy it._  
_See you soon_  
_p.s. Sorry if this is weird._  
_\- Namjoon x_

 

It started from your toes and made its way up your body. This warm feeling you got from Namjoon whenever he was around. Even now, the note he'd scribbled on a post it made the sensation creep over you. Jisoo leans over to you a little, looking at you as if to say 'well are you going to tell me about this?'. "Somebody I should know about?" she asks. You look up from the note, folding it into your pocket. "Nothing important just a guy who comes in at night I guess," the lie a pain to leave your mouth, he was obviously more than 'just a guy' and 'nothing important' was the complete opposite of the truth. "You sure? He dropped it off when he was leaving, didn't really stay for long too," Jisoo shrugs, "anyway, see you later." She waves as she leaves, plugging earphones into her ears.

The next day you head to your university library. Sat on a desk in the furthest corner, enveloped in the smell of old books and silence you read Into the Magic Shop. You can imagine Namjoon reading this and having a hundred different things to talk about, just like you did. The infusion of logic and story was something you greatly appreciated from the book. Turning the last page didn't feel like it did with most books. A sigh of relief, finally it was done. This book instead was sad to be done with and left a strange blanketing feeling over you. Scribbling a note of your own you folded it away to give to return back to Namjoon.

 

_Namjoon,_  
_Thank you for the note. I just had my exams and had to take time off._  
_Ask me about Into the Magic Shop, I really loved it._  
_p.s. It's not weird but maybe asking for my number is a less weird idea._  
_\- Y/N_

  

His laugh booms as he reads over the last sentence. His eyes creasing and smile spreading. It's Monday and he's back in the diner. 

 

"You're bold aren't you," he said. You sweetly smile at him, buttering him up a little. "It's just an innocent request" you say pointedly. He raises his eyebrow at that.  
Namjoon sits up, resting his elbows on the counter, one hand fidgeting with the note you'd wrote in return for him but still keeping his eyes on you.  
"Well I'll give you my number if you tell me what you thought about Into the Magic Shop first".  
"For one, I was going to tell you anyway. Secondly, why do you think I want it so badly that you're trying some sort of bargain for it?"  
The way he looks at you, heavy teasing eyes, leave you feeling almost breathless.  
"You think I'm trying to make it a challenge," he rests a hand against his chest in faux shock. "But if you want a challenge for it, you can have one".  
Namjoon's eyes are gleaming.  
"I didn't say that but sure, go for it," you lazily flirt back to him, one hand resting on your hip as you leaned back, strongly maintaining his eye contact.

  
"Go on a date with me."

It startles you. Completely. Stunned.  
Any ounce of compusure leaves you as your eyes widen and your cheeks flare up, fresh sparks igniting throughout your already warm body which had been smouldering under his gaze ever since he walked in.  
"Are you allowed?" you question instantly. The young male blinks at that, thinking it over. You can almost see the cogs in his brain firing into action.  
"No but, I think it's worth the risk," he grins at how surpised you are, your hands now resting on the counter behind you, your knuckles white.  
"You want to, right?" Namjoon searching your face.   
"Absolutely".

 

"When are you free?" he asks, letting out a breath quietly, one you hadn't even noticed he'd been holding. "Rather when are you," you return. He laughs again. You kinda wish he'd stop laughing, it makes you feel like you're to pass out. 

 

"Always free for you." 

 

When your eyes catch again, you both smile. He's flirting. Kim Namjoon is flirting with you. He's asked you on a date. 

 

"Tomorrow, I'm free." 

 

The expression on his face is playful and if it wasn't for the 

 

"I'm free then too." 

 

"So it's a date."

"It is." 

 

He next reaches into his pocket, getting over his notebook, ripping a piece of paper out. Looking up at you threw lidded eyes, he scribbles something down. He slides it across the counter and with a grin, sits back.

His phone number. 

"I guess I should tell you what I thought of the book now," you say as you tap the number into your phone. When you look up he's looking at you again, he nods.

"I guess you probably should."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like the idea of the notes, I'm hoping to include things like that again in the future of this. I haven't even really started on this story yet so any ideas are appreciated. 
> 
> Hopefully I'll be able to write another chapter tonight but if not the next upload might be later than usual. Thanks for reading and best wishes. - Al
> 
> ALSO if you’re reading this after a certain point, Jintro just came out!!! I’m so happy and proud of him. Happy Jintro everyone !!


	5. Sea

 

You hadn't actually been on a lot of 'dates' in the past and even then the dates you'd been on had never progressed past the first. Where was the fun in a cinema date where you couldn't actually communicate or a dinner date where silence chokes the air when you have nothing left to say.

  
Namjoon was always full of surprises to you. 'What should I wear?' you next text him. He typed back pretty much instantly and you imagined it was possible you were both sat in the same way by the phone waiting for the other to respond.

  
'Something warm, bring a jacket. I'll be there to pick you up at 2,' he texts back adding on a smiley face emoji to the end. You imagined what warm clothes could mean. To you this was jeans and a snug sweater but this was hardly an outfit you want to wear to impress a date. However, you'd managed to get a date with him when he'd only ever saw you in your work uniform, which meant even if you wore a bin bag that would be an improvement. Finally opting for blue jeans and a blush pink sweater which was oversized so it gave you slight sweater paws. Your makeup was light and hair natural. You were going out here the most authentic you and although that scared you a little inside, you knew it was the best way to go about it.

  
At 10 minutes to 2 you were already sat impatiently in your small living room, fidgeting as you waiting for a sign he'd arrived. It seems a thousand questions are screaming through your mind as you wait. What had he planned? Would it be different between you? Oh god, do you hug him when you greet him? You were starting to panic when you hear your phone beep in your jacket pocket.

  
'Here :)'.

 

  
His car pulls into the destination after 45 minutes of driving. He'd apologised for the long drive, promising it was actually worth it. The radio was softly playing and the windows slightly open to let in the gentle breeze and with Namjoon beside you, you'd enjoyed the drive more than he would know.

"Wow," you say as you unclip your seatbelt, shuffling forward in your seat to see more of the view. Before you was a sprawling sea view, an empty beach and glistening water. The sun was out but not hot, the air crisp. It was a normal spring day. He clears his throat. "I came here a lot when writing and producing the last album. Kinda helped clear my head a lot of the time, how peaceful it is. So, I thought I could show you it," Namjoon slowly explains, wringing his hands together shyly, twisting a silver ring around his middle finger. "Really, I love it already," you say, catching his attention and offering him a kind smile.

Unbuckling his seatbelt, he motions to get out of the car. "I have food, blankets and I think I might have a frisbee as well but I have to warn you, I'm not the best at it," he says as you join him in unpacking the car, carrying the soft blankets he had in his car. You lead the way, taking in the sight of the beach as you walk down a grassy dune to reach the sand. "Here ok?" you ask, turning to look at Namjoon as he nods. 

"And thank you bringing me here, really, I love it already," you say, before setting the blanket down. Not catching the beaming smile which illuminates Namjoon's face.

 

"Did you do that on purpose?" Namjoon teased as you laughed loudly, reaching out to wipe the cream which you'd just accidentally smeared on the corner of your mouth. "So we can have some sort of movie esque moment?" You laugh at him, shaking your head as he joins in laughing at you, at the both of you. Together. "Just ask if you want me to touch you," his eyes glint with something else, cocking his head as you look at him. The last trace of your laugh sharply leaving your mouth as the words tumbled out of his mouth. It was like electricity sparked in between you both as you looked at each other. There was no awkwardness in the silence that filled the air, as you digested what he was implying. It made your stomach turn over in somersaults, your cheeks burn and your mind to wander to places that were starting to become frequent in your mind when it was concerning Namjoon.

"Frisbee?" he asks, holding it up in front of you, snapping you out of the trance you'd entered. "Sure," you reply, standing up.

 

He's actually not that bad, sure he's clumsy and sometimes lacklustre but he's athletic. Plus his long limbs means he can reach for the frisbee a lot easier than you can.

You launch the frisbee into the air and you both chase after it, both shouting at the top of your lungs as you race to catch it. Namjoon jumps to grab the frisbee, flying through the air but completely over judging the jump, flailing to the ground and reaching out. Pulling you down with him. You fall to the ground together, choking with laughter as you lean into each other lying on the soft sand. The laughing slows and you both catch your breath, puffing out airy breaths. "I told you I was bad, I'm so sorry," Namjoon said, sitting up to wipe tears from his eyes. When he'd sat up, you'd realised how close you actually were now.

Your eyes search his face for many things. His emotions, his facial features, his full lips and his eyes which were searching your own face, glancing at your own lips. You sit up a little from the sand, the distance between you both practically non existent. Namjoon leans into you

He tasted like strawberries. His lips were soft and he led the kiss. His hand found your face and stroked your cheek with his thumb as your lips connected deeper, Namjoon applying soft pressure to your lips as they worked together. Your arms link around his neck and pull him into you tighter, tight enough that you were almost pressed together. The kiss slows but it could of lasted a lifetime, your heart beating so fast you wondered if it possible he could feel it before he pulled away. 

You both smile at each other again, Namjoon standing up before pulling you up, looping his arm around you as you walked back to the picnic blankets. 

 

The sky became a beautiful sunset in no time at all before melting into a dusky blue, the chill of the air meaning you had to resort to actually wrapping the blankets around the both of you. Namjoon traced patterns into your hand while you both spoke, swirling circles which you felt on your skin even when his finger left contact with your hand, like he'd etched the feeling into you. "What do you plan to do when you graduate?" he asked, genuine interest covering his face like normal. "Travel, I want to see the world. Before I tie myself down to a 9-5 and a mortgage," he smiled at that. "You're lucky you don't have to do that," you softly said. He stopped tracing patterns onto your skin and breathed out. "Lucky?" he asked and you nodded. He let go of your hand and reached to hold your face which you accepted, nuzzling into his palm. "I'm starting to think I'm lucky too," he said finally.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been streaming Jintro while writing this lol. Don't get me started on how much I love this song, I'm so excited for August 24th !!! 
> 
> Hope I did the first date and FIRST KISS justice, it was difficult to get right but we love a good cliche romance right lads.  
> Also I don't know 100% if Namjoon drives actually I don't think he does but the internet could be a l i e but ughhhh its an AU so... artistic license prevails. Anyway ly - Al


	6. Phonecall

You held hands the entirety of the drive home save for the quick release when Joon would need it to drive, reaching out to you again as soon as he could. Your eyes felt weighted, the dark settling in from outside and the radio softly playing. You'd almost dozed off when he pulled into your apartment block. "Y/n, are you asleep?" Namjoon asked softly. Snapping awake and flustered, you startled and quickly said, "no, no, I'm a-awake". Realising you were home you awkwardly hummed and said, "you wanna come in?" Namjoon hesitated but nodded, "sure".

  
Outside of your apartment you began to panically reassure him the apartment was not always this messy and it was normally tidy, which was all lies. He was tired and you could see it in his eyes as well as he smiled understandingly.

You showed him round the apartment, although small he asked questions with genuine questions. Your family photos, a cute photo of you when you’re younger which he coos at.

You’re showing him the kitchen last, apologising again for the couple of dirty dishes. He smiles at you wistfully, ignoring what you’re saying completely while shaking his head. You smile up at him and nervously laugh. “What?” You say. “Nothing,” He replies to you softly.

  
He steps towards you, his face neutral but his eyes full of softness. Namjoon pushes a strand of hair out of your eyes then using the same hand to stroke across your cheek. Leaning down he brushed a kiss against your mouth. Your body reacts on its own accord, returning his light kiss with a deeper one, resting the palms of your hands on his chest as he steps closer into you, your back now pressing against the kitchen counter. His hands now reach up to the back of your neck, where your hair begins, tangling his fingers in it. You kiss feverishly, as though kissing was now breathing and without it you couldn't live. Mouths open, deeply taking in the other. When he lightly catches his tongue against your mouth your senses go wild and you lightly gasp into the kiss before returning his movements. He reacts by pulling away for only seconds, reaching down to loop his arms around you and hold you up into the air, backing you onto the kitchen counter so you can sit on it, your legs now wrapped tightly around his lean body. You're slightly taller than him now, and the kiss continues and intensifies with slight pulls at the bottom of his now slightly swollen lip and him tracing kisses across your jaw, down your neck. Moving hair away to kiss the softest spots below your ear or where jaw meets neck. Had it been able to continue, you're unsure where it would of ended up, for the kiss is broken by the sudden sound of a phone ringing.

  
Your chests are rising and falling as you look at each other, both your eyes asking the same question. Glancing over at the noise, Namjoon lets out a sigh as he notices its his own. He helps you down before reaching over to answer it, snapping down the phone as to ask what they wanted.

  
"Right now?" he asks, the slightest of venom interjecting his voice. His eyes close in irritation, his jaw tightening. "Okay. Bye." he hands up pointedly, looking up at you with softness returning in his eyes. "I need to go, it's work. I'm - sorry?" he says, his hand pushing through his hair, looking to the ground when he spoke. "You know that's fine," you say, moving towards him to smile up at his face. He holds you in to him, stamping a kiss against your forehead as he pulls back. "I'll call you," he quietly assures you as you lead him out of the apartment, watching him leave down the stairs from your door. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn o k a y !!! That's all I have to say.


	7. Dimple

If there was a list for reasons to feel irritated, not getting a text when you're expecting one, is far up there as one of the worst. It's close followed by paper cuts on your tongue when you lick an envelope and just behind smelly people on public transport but its still up there. What makes it worse is if you're waiting for a text from somebody you really like whos kisses tastes like happiness and hands on you feel like silk. 

Namjoon had called you that night briefly after he rushed away from your date. Briefly being 5 minutes and then promising you he'd text you. Except he actually hadn't. So now you were sat on the grassy verge outside of your university four days later during your break, constantly clicking your phone to check it. 

**[NO NOTIFICATIONS]**

"Jeez, he really hasn't text you back yet?" you heard a voice say beside you. Jimin looked over your shoulder with sympathetic eyes or actually what you called his 'puppy eyes'. You sighed, putting your phone away and shrugging. "I guess not," you huffed, holding your chin in your hand but giving Jimin a small smile. "Then obviously he isn't worth it," Jimin says, patting your outstretched leg sympathetically with his ringed hand. "You're worth a lot more than that," he added. You nibbled on the inside of your cheek as Jimin tries to give you a reassuring smile. 

Sure, it wasn't a great move to misplace somebody right after your first date but Namjoon was different. He was understanding and he was so kind, would he do something like this? 

"He's different," you finally retort, plucking pieces of grass from the ground and weaving them in your fingers as to avoid Jimin's disappointed eyes. "I don't even know who he is so," Jimin hinted deliberately. "Yep, it's staying that way," you say, laughing at the return of Jimin's puppy dog eyes. Jimin reclines back onto the grass eventually, giggling out loud to himself. "Next thing you'll be telling me he's a korean idol or something," he said absentmindedly, running his hand through his dyed blonde hair and leaning back. Which was lucky as it meant he couldn't see your obvious blushing face. _If only he knew_.

 

 

The sound of your phone ringing in the distance and the tap of something against your window is what awoke you from your sleep. You checked the time on your clock beside your bed, sleep staining your eyes. 3am. You climb out of bed to get your phone from where you left it, which was your desk. You don't even check the caller ID before pressing answer, holding it to your ear sleepily. "Hello, y/n speaking, you do know it's just past 3am," mustering up the slightest amount of annoyance in your tone that your half awake body could manage. 

"I'm sorry". 

 

"N-Namjoon," you practically shrieked, your body snapping awake like a let go elastic band. "Is everything okay?" you breathed, one hand holding your phone still, the other balanced on your forehead in bemusement. "Yeah I'm fine but I'm an idiot. I'm sorry for not texting you, my company flew me out for a trip. Some sort of surprise for a variety show. I couldn't text or call and it's been killing me". His voice was quiet and soft, his words slow. If you were with you were sure you could imagine what he'd be doing. His brow furrowed a little as he tried to find the right words, his eyes squeezing shut as he finished. It was hard to even string your next words together, your throat dry and silent. 

"That's why I'm outside". 

You dropped your phone at that point, scrambling to pick it up as you quickly and flustered rambled down the phone. "You're what?" you said, panic filling your eyes as you ran to your bedroom window to see his car outside, running back from the window to hide. "Yeah but can you let me inside, its cold". You ended the call and paced around your apartment quickly, throwing a hoodie on over your sleeping clothes, also cringing at the fact you were only wearing shorts. You questioned putting on sweats as you heard the buzzer for your apartment. He actually was outside. This wasn't a dream. He really did care. You clicked to let him in and waited by the door for him to reach your apartment. Which felt like forever. 

A soft knock on your door. You counted to three in your head. 

 

As soon as you opened the door, your feet left the ground. Wrapping your legs around his waist, Namjoon lifted you into him, holding you so close to him you practically couldn't breathed. When he put you down, he peppered kisses onto your forehead. Your face stricken with shock. "I missed you," he breathed into your neck after he left  your forehead. You still didn't speak. You'd only woke up, what, 4 minutes ago and now Namjoon was holding you. He was beautiful. He was here. 

"I'm sorry and I'm sorry also for waking up," he chuckled, pulling you into him again. "I mean it's fine I don't mind this type of awakening," you finally said against his chest, allowing yourself to cuddle slightly into his hard chest. "Wanna go back to sleep," he spoke into your hair, "I mean you know I can go but if you want me to stay actually that's fine but if not it's okay, like that's a lot to ask actually but-" he stopped speaking when he felt your finger pressed against his lips. "You can stay," you said softly. He smiled against your finger, pecking it slightly and brightly smiling at you. You turned around to lead him into your room. Climbing into your bed as he took off his shoes and jacket so he was in just sweats and a t-shirt. He climbed in with you, holding out his arm in the air as to signal for you to lie against it, when you did he pulled you into him, your face pressed lightly onto his shoulder, breathing him in, breathing with him. 

 

 

It became a regular thing for Namjoon to stay over. On nights when you worked in the diner and he was there he'd walk you home, awkwardly glancing at you as you came near your home to which you'd reply always, "Namjoon, you're staying over you don't have to be shy about it". To which he'd grin. Or some nights he'd say he had his car you'd drive to his apartment, which was bigger and flashier than yours. Still he said he prefered yours even when you commented on that fact. "Yeah but your apartment, its a home," he'd say, "you live there, I just sleep here before they jet me off somewhere else," he'd say, looking away when he was pulled into new thoughts. 

 

So then nights where he was working, producing or just doing something important late on, he'd show up to your apartment, with warning this time. It became rare you didn't spend the night together. Just to sleep, _sometimes_. It had became intoxicating one night to ignore his warm body against yours when he lay beside you. Your mind racing as you sat up suddenly, his eyes open as soon as you sat up. He reacted to you kissing him immediately, his hands gripping at your hair as you melted into him, sliding over to straddle his body. It was if the sudden need for each other was in the air. That night was the first night you'd had sex and it wasn't the last.

But even so, sometimes the other would sense the other was tired, their mind elsewhere or simply not in the mood and you'd cuddle up into bed. Or sometimes you'd sit up in the kitchen till the early hours. Talking about life. Usually it was Namjoon's frustrations at his job. What was expected of him, the pressure. The fans. His eyes glazing when he looked at you. _Having to keep you a secret._ You held him when he said that, knowing he was embarrassed by his face. Those were some of the best nights, when you opened up to each other. Stripping down your defences to be completely yourself to each other. 

 

And sometimes you'd spend the day. When both of you weren't busy, it was so rare. Even so, you didn't leave the apartments. That was only for the night. Late night walks, visits to other 24 hour diners. And once to a drive in cinema which was actually the most adorable thing, cuddled up in Joon's car as you watched Grease on a large cinema screen. You both knew the risk you ran when you were together. Joon was an idol. The backlash from being caught dating could be career ending, life changing. You needed to be smart, you knew that. Still seeing couples in public during the day, holding hands in the Seoul sunlight, gave you a light pang in your chest. 

But today was a day off for the both of you. You lay sprawled out on your sofa watching Netflix together. A documentary Joon had been bugging you to watch about UFOs that he said was supposed to be so interesting. You were the first to react to his phone going off beside him, elbowing him and glancing over to his phone when he looked at you. His phone was going crazy, messages piling through in the tens. "Holy-" he breathed as he read something off his phone. He gulped. His face was grey. 

"Y/n..." he spoke, so quiet you could barely hear it. You sat up straight. "What is it?" you said. He turned the phone to you, to show you a tweet from Koreaboo. 

"My agent Seokjin sent me it, I..." he started but didn't finished. 

 

**KIM NAMJOON HAS BEEN SPOTTED KISSING MYSTERY WOMAN... WHO IS SHE?**

 

Under it was a blurred photo, due to the fact it was from far away and late at night in the photo. It was outside your apartment. It was you. 

 

You'd been caught. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW I SAID IT WAS MOSTLY FLUFF BUT !!! IT NEEDED SOME SHAKING UP BUT DON'T WORRY !!!  
> Namjoon is the softest and I love it. ALSO Jimin!!! The friend we all need and deserve. 
> 
> Sorry this upload is a bit late, I've been sick :( But the concept photos are out and honestly, i haven't been able to breathe since!!!


	8. Break

Your world hadn’t stopped spinning yet. You could hear Namjoon on the phone, pacing around your kitchen as he spoke to his manager no doubt. The noise was in the background, everything felt like it was 10 thousand miles away as panic rose through your body and tunnel vision settled in. You didn’t even register Namjoon ending the call and standing behind you, his hand pushing roughly into his hair as he softly called your name, snapping you out of the trance momentarily.

“Y/n… please look at me,” he almost whispered, your body slowly twisting to look up at him. Namjoon was the furthest away from his usual self in that moment. His colour flushed from his face in a ghostlike way. “I need to go, I’m sorry,” he said weakly, looking down at the floor. Your eyes are the first to betray you as they begin to water, stinging as you blinked away the tears. It was with everything inside you that you held yourself together, standing up and silently moving to the front door with him not following.

Neither of you reached for each other or offered comfort. You were both in considerable shock and pain. “Y/n please say something,” Namjoon said, lamely standing still in the living room as you faced away from him, your hand on the front door to almost steady yourself.

“There’s nothing to say”.

“When you leave here everything will change, I’m not stupid,” pain seared through your entire body as you turned around, locking eyes with him. His pleading eyes meeting your cold ones.

“Y/n, you don’t know that,” he said, moving across to you, reaching for you before you softly rested your hands on his chest to stop him. He opened his mouth to continue but nothing left instead you spoke up.

“I’m not stupid Namjoon. I might not be an idol, but I know how your world works. They won’t let this happen, us happen, especially… especially because I’m just some stupid nobody,” you spoke with no emotion, every word draining out of you. Your fingers shot with pain, and you flinched them off him as the pain of his voice filled the air.

“Stop. Firstly, you are not nobody, not to me. And we haven’t even tried yet, so you don’t even know that. We could make it work, we could-” you cut him off as he rambled, shaking your head.

“You know that’s impossible Joon,” you whispered. You looked down at your feet and heard his stuttering breath, unable to look at his face contorted in pain.

“I’d like you to leave now,” the words leaving you in tired breaths, closing your eyes as you unlocked the door. Namjoon tried to bend himself to face you.

“But y/n, I lo- “. He stops when he sees your head shaking, the final syllables of the word almost straining out of his mouth, your shoulders shaking slightly as the sobs began.

“Don’t make this harder than it already is Joon,” you whispered chokingly. Namjoon just stands there, looking at you helplessly and silently as he steps out the door. He turns when he’s out of the door but instead faces closed door of your apartment. He breathes in harshly. Reaching for his phone which he’s felt vibrating against his leg for the last 5 minutes.

You sink to the floor of your apartment, the cold wood of the door against your back as your body collapses into tears and sobs.

He was gone.

And he was the only thing you thought of when you curled up, the pain leaving your body in uncontrollable waves of tears and wails until your body stutters and gasps for air. You fall asleep on the doormat, your brain echoing the same constant thought.

 _Namjoon_.

 

 

**Namjoon POV**

 

Apprehension was already laced in the air like a sickly fog. Namjoon had entered the room which already sat the two other members of his group, days after the news broke.

The whole company seemed to of electrified into action. Multiple senior supervisors appeared at his apartment the morning after, accompanying him to the companies Seoul offices and sitting him in down in front of them. They practically scolded him like a child. Taking his phone, monitoring where he went. He was shocked they even let him stay alone in his apartment.

His agent Seokjin tried and failed to knock sense into the supervisors and company. At one point threatening to pull his client and close friend out of the company if this continued this treatment which was met with fiery conversations and further plunging the situation down.

Seconds had ticked by and Hoseok was the first to speak. “Shit Namjoon, I’m so sorry,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck and shaking his head. Yoongi turned around then, his jaw tightened in a way that looked painful.

“Fuck this company,” he icily breathed. He was stood behind the rooms sofa, he’d possibly been pacing moments before Namjoon entered. “I’d leave now if we weren’t trapped in this shitty contract,” he practically boomed, gripping the sofa until his knuckles turned white. Namjoon just stood there, blinking in an almost robotic way. He sat down.

He was exhausted, he hadn’t slept properly for days. Then the company was draining the life out of him, leaving him almost lifeless.

“They can’t just tear you away,” Hoseok said much calmer, glancing between his two best friends with concern in his face.

 Namjoon’s eyes were glossed over when he spoke, the words coming out coldly.

“Of course, they can. They own us”. Hoseok startled a little at that, dropping his eyes down to the floor where they were all looking, the atmosphere dripping with tension.

“Let’s just focus on the comeback,” Namjoon said, ignoring the look of concern in the eyes of his friends.

 

Jimin sat across from you on his sofa, the same sofa you’d sat at almost constantly for three days, watching Netflix silently. Your own apartment was swamped with press outside since it was identified, and you’d left through the back.

You’d managed to avoid being found out, your identity still a secret much to the frustration of practically every gossip site in South Korea. Appearing on Jimin’s doorstep with tears staining your face, you broke down and told him everything.

 Jimin now sat awkwardly opening his mouth multiple times before snapping it closed. You hadn’t spoken much since breaking down to him, just sat blinking at the screen, lost in your thoughts.

Finally, he spoke, “do you wanna maybe do something today?” he breezed, looking at with anticipation. You shrugged. “Well we can’t just sit here all the time,” he whined, sighing in a bratlike way. “Jimin…” you began, pinching the skin in-between your eyes in frustration.

“You know I’m right,” he said with confidence, raising his eyebrows at you. Before you could speak your head turned to your phone pinging.

**ibighit posted Cypher ‘CRYSTAL SNOW’ Official Teaser.**

Jimin had received the same notification as you, looking up at you slowly as his eyes caught yours.

Your breath came out raggedly, gulping back sobs as Jimin reached for you.

“I wish I could stop this,” Jimin said softly, holding you and stroking your hair until you fell asleep.

Dreaming of him only. Namjoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its taken so long to update ! i've had a lot going on. 
> 
> the comeback also had me shook so hard ooft and i cannot stress how much love i have for ot7. idol ruined me and i can not locate my wig but have heard it may be somewhere in south korea 
> 
> anyway i hope you enjoyed this chapter, it's a lot angsty than usual but i promise the next one will see the return of our friend, Fluff. take care everyone ly - Al


	9. Warmth

“You know it’s a shame you couldn’t ever introduce me to that guy on the Crystal Snow song,” Jimin was leaning forward in his chair, holding up his phone. A photoshoot the focus of what he was showing you, the guy in it some singer you recognised as Jungkook who’d featured on Cypher’s new song. A song you hadn’t actually listened to yourself but had heard perhaps _everywhere_ you went.

“Not funny Jimin,” you muttered, your eyes falling back to your own phone, scrolling down your twitter feed slowly.

“What, I’m just _saying,_ ” Jimin whined, sitting back with a thud. He was almost a bit too loud and a couple of people in the quiet café looked over. You bit your lip and tried to avoid their glances. You scrolled past a post from Cypher yourself on twitter, quickly swiping upwards.

It was a month later.

The whole scandal had been covered over by the company claiming it was just a scene from a music video. Then a weird phone call from a serious toned man who told you if you admitted the truth you’d be sued. Like hardcore sued. Not really the usual break up scenario you thought.

So, life had returned to _normal._ Or rather what normal was before Namjoon as the normal had become Namjoon. You’d practically broke down in work the first shift after the whole thing happened. But you couldn’t exactly call up your boss and be like _hey sorry can’t come in today having a breakdown because a Korean idol broke up with me._

The days became easier and soon you could bear to think about it all without feeling tears prick in your eyes. You told yourself how stupid it all was, really, it was never going to work out anyway. The words you told yourself began as reassurance but then melted into some sort of truth.

 

You’d been sat barely watching TV for an hour when you flicked onto a new channel. You instantly recognised the face on the screen, of course, it was Namjoon. Well not just him, Cypher as well and an interviewer. Breath ragged in your throat as your finger hovers over the button to move the channel along, yet you’re hypnotised to the screen. Like a statue stuck in time.

“I wrote it for somebody who changed my life in the best way,” he spoke softly, you could see him gulping a little, eyes dropping to the ground nervously. “They once told me they liked the feeling after it snows you know, how crystal clear everything feels. I liked that idea,” he looked up again, blinking a little but silent as the interviewer continued firing questions.

He’d been talking about you. The song was for _you_.

You turned the tv off rapidly before burying your head in a cushion and screaming. The material muffled the scream completely, but it made you feel better a little. You’d been doing that a lot, for it was better than screaming out into the open room. You made a promise to yourself then, head still buried into the pillow, that this was the last time you’d think about Kim Namjoon. If he ever entered your mind you’d push it all away, you didn’t need it anymore. You were strong.

 

It lasted all of two weeks.

It wasn’t an intentional break of the promise you’d made yourself and honestly it wasn’t a promise you’d exactly kept but you didn’t want to admit that to yourself.

Summer was fast approaching; the air was hot and slightly humid. It was night-time and you stood behind the counter of the Rest Easy Diner with a book propped in front of you. The same way you had been all those months ago. It was quiet and a weekday, you didn’t need to have the heating on at all, in fact the diner could have done with some air con.

The sky had melted during your time at work from a light blue to a mirage of pinks, yellows and oranges as the sunset. Fading into a dusky blue before slowly concluding on the colour it was now, a dark and gloomy black.

Nobody seemed to be venturing outside tonight. You assumed it’s since many people like yourself were studying for their upcoming exams or perhaps everybody was already too sick of the heat to bother leaving their homes.

When you hear the diner’s door open you snap awake from the trance of studying, dropping the book and standing straight.

You met the eyes in front of you and you could feel the hairs on your arms prickling, goose bumps covering your skin. Your heart began thumping so hard it was almost audible.

“You should leave”.

“I probably should you’re right, but I needed to see you, speak to you,” Namjoon finally spoke, standing awkwardly in front of the counter, sucking in his cheeks in apprehension when he finished speaking. You had never expected in your life he’d have the nerve to come to your work, at the start you’d hoped for it but right now it just exhausted you.

It opened a wound you’d spent some time healing. A wound you’d fawned over for a long time and been grateful to see almost healed, now spilling open and igniting the feelings of pain and desperation you’d once tried to bury.

“So, can I stay?” he asked, snapping you out of the frenzied thoughts you’d been having.

“I’m at work Namjoon,” the words came out in a slurry mess, the life sucked out of your very being.

“Then I’ll wait and drive you home after, we can talk there,” his brow had furrowed in worry, looking at you deeply.

“I finish in three hours,” it was a matter of fact statement, your eyes shooting upwards in a challenge.

Namjoon smiled, the smallest smile. His eyes glazed over in a way which showed us was thinking. “That’s never stopped me before”.

The words shot a new blinding pain into your brain. Remembering the nights he’d spent sat in the diner waiting for you both relishing in each other’s company. Long conversations and stupid questions, getting to know each other. The memories were bittersweet.

“I just want to explain,” he continued.

Before you could stop yourself, you’d spoke, just one simple word.

“Fine.”

 

 

The silence in the car was only illuminated by the sounds that broke it. The hum of the car moving along in the short journey, the monotonous tick of the indicator, awareness of the nervous breaths beside you in the driver seat. You placed your head against the cool glass of the window lazily, sucking your lip into your teeth, a habit you picked up whenever you felt anxious. You avoid looking over at Namjoon driving, only registering his side profile in the corner of your eye.

A couple of times you notice Namjoon opening his mouth slightly as if to begin speaking before it shut again.

You think back to the first time you’d sat in his car. The first date. Thought about the times after you had too, the dynamic of the journeys indescribably different. A journey which was once filled in light hearted banter, the occasional reach out from the driver seat to stroke your hand as Joon drove. It was warm, the feeling was warm. Right now, you just felt cold and it wasn’t the glass against your temple or the early summers night chill. It was the difference of it all.

A journey which felt like hours ended when he pulls up outside your apartment. Complete silence now tinged the air for a couple of moments, an uncomfortable flinch in your brain as you remember that it had been getting caught with him outside your apartment which had caused this mess. You both unclipped your seatbelts slowly, sliding out of the car as you walked ahead. You didn’t look behind to check if he was following you up to your apartment but only assumed he would be.

The usual routine of slumping into your apartment after a night shift replaced by awkward movements of removing your bag and coat, flicking on the living room light to bathe the room in an orange glow. Namjoon closed the door behind himself as you moved to rest against the back of your sofa as he awkwardly stood in your hallway, shifting a little on his feet.

He treads forward slowly, stopping three metres before you, scratching just behind his ear as he opened his mouth to speak finally.

“I’m sor-”.

“Did you write Crystal Snow about me?” you interrupted, eyes refusing to remove from his shoes. Grey trainers, clearly expensive but not very flashy. Your eyes wore into them like lasers, looking up from them to look at him would only make this harder.

“I…Yeah,” he said, shifting again before he shook his head.

“Basically, everything on the new album is about you actually,” he continued, almost shyly.

“I’ll make a note to listen to it,” coldly you had said it, not really meaning to and regretting it instantly. _Idiot_ , you thought to yourself.

“I wouldn’t bet on it, it might never come out,” he quietly breathed out. The words instantly caused your head to snap upwards, at his face.

_His still perfect fucking face._

He registers you, eyes training over your face slowly until he spoke again.

“My contract runs out before its released and I’m not renewing it,” he spoke slow, always one to string together words that mattered intricately.

“Namjoon you can’t be serious,” you mumbled out, the shrillness of your voice coming to a peak at the end of the sentence.

“I’m very serious y/n.” he spoke pointedly, blinking as he kept his eyes on you.

“But why would you do that?” you say quickly, your hands gripping the sofa harshly. You feel a little lightheaded. The notion of his words causing you to feel nauseous. The _what if_ your mind focused on deafening.

“You know why,” he said, tilting his head almost affectionately but the same look on his face he’d had on since he’d showed up at the diner this evening.

Pain.

“H-how though, you can’t just realistically leave it all behind?” your words came out in a rush and your fingers tightened on the sofa back. You flex the fingers and untighten, scared you might honestly break something. The sofa back or your fingers, you’re unsure.

“We’re thinking about leaving our contracts but not disbanding. Starting up our own company that doesn’t treat their idols like shit,” it’s strange to hear a curse leave his mouth. Its not foreign to you, he’d swore before, but the aggression he struggled to contain when he spoke was clear.

He shook himself a little before he spoke again. “They forced me to leave you. Started threatening me with making me bankrupt, blacklisting me in companies, stopping me from producing if I continued… continued with you.  Then they had me under basically constant supervision, so I couldn’t even try to explain,” his words were quiet but not rushed. He stood with his hands pressed behind his back.

“Then how did you get out,” your eyes are tight closed. _Fuck_. So much had been put on the line for you to even start _whatever_ you’d had with Namjoon. Everything he’d worked for, the hours he’d put in. You’d jeopardised it all and you knew it.

“I just stopped worrying about the risk, got in my car and thought fuck it. If they come for me they come for me.  I’ve stopped worrying about the consequences,” he shrugged a little before he takes a deep, almost faulty breath and steps forward. He’s close enough that you could reach out to him now, place your hand on the dark hoodie he’s wearing and pull him in.

“Y/n I fell in love with you, I am still in love with you. I fell so hard. I would give it all up for you a million times over.”

Silence and time seemed to come hand in hand tonight. Moments went by as no sound was uttered bar breathing. The words that had come out of his mouth were enough to nearly render you anything but a sobbing mess, yet you keep it together. When he spoke the words, he hadn’t looked anything but sure, his face defined in seriousness. His eyes however were soft, like he was telling you those words in a situation different from this one.

“But Joon the risk is huge, that’s your whole livelihood on the line,” you could only speak in something just over a whisper now, the chalky soreness in your throat resisting.

“A livelihood that’s not worth it if you’re not in it. I’ve thought about it over and over. I thought once before that they owned me, the company, the fans. But they don’t. And leaving the contract and starting over might be hard, might even be near impossible but I’m prepared for it, we all are. I’m sick of being controlled like a puppet. But most of all, I just can’t lose you again,” he was rushing his words, something he’d rarely done. They came out like he’d been thinking about them for so long, the eagerness to say them overriding the idea to say them naturally.

“Let me do this,” he moved forward as he spoke, placing his hands carefully on your shoulders. The feeling was instant, warmth everywhere. Even the slightest contact from him causing searing warmth in your fingers, a stuttering breath leaving your mouth.

“I can’t stand the idea, but I can’t stop myself from wanting you to do it, is that selfish?” you whispered as his fingers drew a small circle into your shoulders.

“No, it’s not selfish at all. I want this, I want you,” he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to yours, softly, closely his eyes as you began to speak.

“I can’t stand that you can just walk in here and do this to me, make me want to do everything I never wanted to do. I always knew the risk, but it was always pushed back. It is selfish, but I can’t stop wanting you too,” your body almost betrayed you into breaking down into sobs until you drew in a long breath and spoke again.

“I think it’s because I love you.” His eyes shot open and a smile took over his whole face. It caused his eyes to crinkle, the dimples you’d missed so much to appear in his skin. It was Namjoon, all of it.

“You know that I love you too,” he whispered, his hand leaving your shoulder and cupping your cheek, drawing his thumb over it. He was leaning in and you met him halfway. His mouth fell on yours like it was made for it. It wasn’t different, your body recognised it even after all this time. You straightened yourself up to wrap your arms around his neck as he pulled you in closer. Lost in a kiss, lost in the feeling of each other. You pull away with tears in your eyes, happy ears.

“You owe me so many more of them,” you breathed. A loud laugh which electrified the room was what he responded with. He nodded when he finished, pulling you into himself again.

“Better get started on that now”.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh there we go, the end of my first fic. it took me so long to update this because i wanted to get the last chapter perfect, i sort of planned something different for it but settled on this as i thought it was a bit more realistic. 
> 
> i had so much fun writing this omg !! and i seriously hope you all enjoyed it ((even tho its quite small.))
> 
> anyway thank you so much for reading & lots of luv
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡


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